March Madness and vasectomies: a marriage made if not in heaven then at least at CBS Sports and Turner. A snip here, a snip there, and before you know it, you're on the couch, an icepack between your legs, watching your brackets get busted. It's the ultimate male excuse to watch hoops. "Honey, I need to lie on the couch for a few days, ice my you-know-what and watch sports. Doctor's orders. Can you bring me a beer and the Tylenol Extra Strength?"
Your significant other isn't going say peep about your sloth, because, well, you're in a lot of pain. Moreover, it also spells the end of other birth control methods -- eventually. What better time to schedule the end of your procreating manhood than during mid-March when the NCAA basketball tournament is in full swing?
Although there's no hard evidence to suggest that doctors perform more vasectomies in March, many men are scheduling them during this time of the year. Do the math. For a couple of days, we men can sit in our man-caves and watch March Madness unfold in all its glory. That's right. We don't have to go to work, take out the garbage, go food shopping or visit the in-laws. The remote is ours. Long live Gonzaga!
Urologists are more than happy to accommodate. Take Massachusetts, which has never had an NCCA women's or men's basketball champion, unless you count the men's Holy Cross win in 1947. The good people at the Urology Associates of Cape Cod in Hyannis have offered patients a coupon for a free — hold on to your loins — pizza after their vasectomy. About 30 people had signed up for the procedure and pizza during the first week of the 2013 tournament. Having offered this special more than once, the docs noticed that they tend to get 100 appointments during March Madness, about four or five times the practice's regular volume [sources: Brooks, Savedge].
In Elgin, Ill., Urology Ltd. has a "3-Point Shot" plan, where patients can not only get a vasectomy but also a free pizza and a free weekend pass to watch college hoops.
"The whole idea of the ad is to capture those guys who were thinking about watching the games anyhow and were also thinking about getting a vasectomy," Dr. Timothy Roth of Urology Ltd. told a local newspaper [source: Fox News].