Top 10 Wizarding Fails

The Master
The Master shows off his stylish vestments. Further study: See the 1966 Z-movie "Manos: The Hands of Fate," either riffed by the "Mystery Science Theater 3000" gang or newly remastered by Ben Solovey. Image courtesy

Say what you will about the Master, but this stylish servant of Manos had potential: hypnotic powers, an advanced grasp of fire magic and power over life and death. Plus, just look at that fashion sense! Half the wizarding battle is knowing which robe to go with.

Based out of a desert compound, he could have been the next Nix "the Puritan," but instead the Master decided to marry every woman in sight and buy a dog. He eventually hired a dim-witted satyr named Torgo to look after the place.

And that's pretty much it. Presumably, the Master continues to wander around in his robes, worship a hand deity and probably play Xbox 360 in the rumpus room. Why translate forbidden texts or ascend to godhood when you can play "Call of Duty" and eat Funyuns all day?

The lesson: Wizards, it's perfectly fine to absorb yourself in dark hobbies and inane scholarly pursuits, but use those powers for something! Open a cursed novelty store at least. Sponsor a Hobbit. Don't squander your gifts running a lackluster polygamist cult.