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Top 10 Wizarding Fails


9
John Constantine
Do not date or befriend this man. Further study: Flip through "Hellblazer" or check out a dark-haired alternate reality John Constantine in the 2005 Keanu Reeves film. Image courtesy DC Entertainment
Do not date or befriend this man. Further study: Flip through "Hellblazer" or check out a dark-haired alternate reality John Constantine in the 2005 Keanu Reeves film. Image courtesy DC Entertainment

Wizards are dangerous company for muggles in the best of circumstances. If they're not actively pursuing some dark power or forbidden secret, then they're probably enemies of someone who is. They may be funny, charming and sexy, but danger always comes a knocking, and it's rarely the guy with the magic wand who winds up in the morgue.

Which brings us to John Constantine, the occult detective with rock-star good looks and a knack for getting all his friends and lovers killed. Even in the wizarding noir community, this Hellblazer has something of a reputation. Several of the more wronged spirits even haunt Constantine from beyond the grave – including two victims of a disastrous exorcism attempt in Newcastle.

Plagued by guilt, Constantine initially suffered two years of madness following the Newcastle Incident before settling into a deep, brooding pit of self-loathing and bitterness. He still saves the world occasionally, but happiness isn't in the cards.

The lesson: Wizards, think long and hard before you invite your lover to an impromptu séance or crash at a friend's place when there's a demon on the loose. You move in dangerous circles, but at least you can shoot magic missiles. Spare your friends and spare yourself decades of guilt-ridden torment.